FDF #002: Why Is It So Hard?

Why does it feel so damn hard?
Why do we get stuck on the couch?
Why do we get stuck eating a bag of chips?
Why can't we stop eating cookies?

Why is it so hard, after we have kids, to do what we know we need to do, to do things that -- some, some of 'em are really simple, really easy even, but we still don't do 'em?

And at the end of the day, being a dad actually isn't an easy thing.
Being a dad isn't a walk in the park.
Being a dad takes energy and time.
And all of those moments before, when you might have been recovering or generating energy...
Now they're gone.
Or at least harder to come by.

Now, there's a little bit of homework help.
Now there's a school drop off.
Now there's a crying baby.
Now there's a tugging on your shirt.
Now there's...

Are we there yet?

Can we go to the park?

Can we go get ice cream?

Can we go to urban air?

Can we go to the store?

Can we get a dog?

Can we... and on and on and on.

And so all of those open moments that you had before your kids were born, now are taken up. But these are beautiful things, right?

Having children is a beautiful thing, even though all of those moments are now filled with questions, demands, cries, wines, and, you know... beautiful moments.

The time that you would have normally put towards yourself is now going towards serving your children.

And it can be so difficult because they break down your boundaries. You let them break down your boundaries. Which is completely natural and even good and necessary for your kids.

If you don't set appropriate boundaries for yourself, though - in a way that isn't harmful to your kids - you'll never have that time back, right?

If you don't set those boundaries that say,

I'm going to go work out, I'm going to run.

I'm gonna go to the gym.

I'm gonna go hiking.

I'm gonna play basketball.

I'm gonna lift weights.

If you don't set those boundaries that say,

No family, no kids, I'm not eating McDonald's.

No, I'm not eating bread right now.

No, I'm not eating meat right now.

Whatever your healthy choice is, without setting those boundaries, it's going be hard to keep making that choice consistently.
The lack of boundaries is emotionally taxing.
Our emotions seed weakness in the face of temptation.

And in the face of those temptations, your kids can be poor accountability partners (and really that's not their responsibility - though, they can also be the best at keeping you honest.)

Your time is now constrained, your natural boundaries have vanished, and all your energy is going into these beautiful, miraculous, growing human beings.

At the end of the day though, we have to take responsibility.
It's hard because we let it be hard.
It's hard because we let ourselves slip into old habits, bad habits.
It's hard because we don't take control.

Maybe we don't take control of our schedule, maybe it's of our energy, maybe it's of our time.
Maybe it's of what we're buying at the grocery store.
Maybe it's what we're doing on Saturday afternoon.
Maybe it's our mindset.

It's hard because we don't control what we need to control and we don't set realistic, or have realistic realistic solutions that account for the realities of dad life.

It's hard, but therein lies the opportunity...
It's hard because having children enforces - if we want to achieve anything - a new efficiency.
It enforces a new level of focus.
It enforces a new you, a you that allows you to both be a great parent and invest in yourself.

And now that you know why it's so damn hard...

What are you going to do about it?

Your Coach,

Soren

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